Summer Sun = Grotesque Disfigurement

I love summer. I love drinking in the sun. I love having that warm, glowing tan on my face all summer long. It makes me feel like a kid again, like I've been experiencing all of the fun of summer and none of the worries associated with taking the time off work.

I haven't had a suntan in 2 years. My doctors have insisted that I remain out of the sun because I could have a serious reaction due to all of the crazy chemicals coursing through my veins. I have hitherto heeded their advice and remained free and clear of the sun. I've spent several vacations on the beach hiding under awnings, towels, and hats to make sure the sun didn't touch my skin. I've been excellent at following doctor advice... that is, up until the last day of our family reunion.

On the last day of the reunion I was obediently sitting under a shade umbrella on the sidelines watching from afar as everyone joined in the fun of mud volleyball, sliding down a big, wet tarp and into the fishing pond, and all other kinds of fantastic revelry. I needed to go in for some better pictures so I left the shade of my umbrella and walked over to the edge of the pond.

I was quickly distracted by watching all of the amusing antics and visiting with other relative sideliners. At one point I remember thinking my head felt hot and wondered where I left my head scarf. But, it was a fleeting thought.

The next morning I awoke to a reflection in the mirror displaying a viscously red scalp. It hurt. I learned my lesson. Stay out of the sun or you'll get burned. I figured it would be uncomfortable for a few days, then peel and itch like crazy, then eventually my hair would grow in again and my scalp would be back to it's life of darkness.

The morning after that I woke up with a terrible headache. I touched my hand to my forehead... it felt funny... mishapen... aagh! I felt a huge bulge on my forehead. I ran to the mirror and confirmed the disaster. My forehead, and indeed my entire scalp, looked like it had doubled in size since the night before. I looked like a monster. Or at least something that wasn't entirely human.

I hopped in my car and raced to the ER. I walked inside and up to the counter. The admitting nurse looked up at me and in all calmness stated, "Hello, what seems to be the trouble today?"

Really?! "Well, I normally don't have a bulging head." And I pointed to the enormous protrusion that had become my forehead. I guess they have to ask blatantly obvious questions just in case the disfigurement is normal, but one would hope that some deductive reasoning would be attached to her job.

I spent the rest of the week getting IVs of this and that to bring down the swelling. During the course of the week I took pictures to show the fluid as it slowly drained down the front of my face. What better warning to future patients who think they can shrug off their doctor's advice.

Stay out of the sun! ...or it may be your perplexed, slightly disfigured face staring back from some future photo montage.